Girls' Night In
by Frakme
Summary: A badfic... for those who hate Riley Finn


**Disclaimer : This story has been written sorely for entertainment purposes, i.e. not to be exchanged for money in any shape or form (even chocolate money!). I do not own any form of copyright over these characters or their world, they are firmly the property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. I have just borrowed them for a little while and I promised to bring them back!! Please feel free to read/distribute!**

**Another badfic from me! This was for all Riley-haters out there! Written very tongue in cheek :) Reviews would be nice! I actually wrote this story quite some time ago and may have published it elsewhere, but can't remember!**

Girls' Night In

Buffy walked into the room she shared with Willow, humming to herself happily. She was in a very good mood. College was going very well, she had slayed a few vamps recently and most of all she had her boyfriend who seemed normal and made her happy. Okay he was a bit boring and bland at times, but Angel told her she must date ordinary guys. Hell, even an inmate at the looney bin would appear normal next to Angel, her brooding demon ex-boyfriend who was always very angsty.

"Hi Willow!" she said cheerfully to her friend, flopping on to her bed, "Whatcha you doing?"

"Nothing much, Buffy, I've done all my assignments and now I'm bored!" Willow sighed and then sat up on the bed. "I know, let's have a girly night in! We can play cards and gossip."

Buffy thought it over, she was planning to go out with Riley, he was desperate to take her to a showing of his all time favourite movie "Gone with the Wind". Buffy wasn't so keen, as the thought of having to sit still for three hours whilst Riley sighed over Scarlett's flouncing about and Rhett Butler's tight pants was not very appealing to her. She picked up the 'phone and called Riley.

"Hi Riley!" she said, when he answered, "I'm sorry honey, I can't make it to the movie tonight!"

"But Buffy!" Riley whined pathetically, "It's only showing tonight! And I haven't seen it for three years, when my uncle Joe borrowed a TV from our affluent neighbour Farmer Henry and me, Ma, & Pa and my seven brothers sat around in amazement at the images on the screen!"

"Well next time we go visit my Mom, we'll watch it there - she has it on video!" Buffy replied, "But Willow is feeling very down, and we need to spend some quality time together."

"Oh, okay, Buffy" sulked Riley, "I'll guess I'll go through the family album all night and mope and stuff!"

"You do that, Riley!" sang Buffy cheerfully, "Have fun!" she said and hung up.

Willow rushed up and hugged Buffy. It had been several days since the two of them last did stuff together and Willow was pleased. As much as she appreciated the fact that Riley seemed to make Buffy happy, she missed her best friend and privately thought Riley was the most boring guy on the planet.

Buffy got her cards out and the two girls spent a happy half an hour playing rummy, when there was a knock on the door.

"I wonder who that is?" asked Willow, "Are you expecting a visitor, Buffy?"

Buffy shook her head.

"Don't worry, Will, I'll get rid of them." She opened the door to reveal Riley.

"What are you doing here, Riley?" cried Buffy, annoyed.

"I missed you so much, Buffy, I couldn't stay away from you!" moaned Riley, looking like a kicked puppy.

Willow scowled as Buffy once more fell for the puppy eyed look and hugged Riley. Riley grinned over Buffy's shoulder. "Ha!" he thought, "My cunning plan of looking cute and helpless worked!"

Willow was very annoyed. She had seen that grin and knew that once more Riley had managed to manipulate Buffy.

Riley entered the room and sat down on Buffy's bed. In an attempt to be civil, Willow offered to deal Riley in. He shrugged and sat down on the floor next to Buffy.

Willow dealt the cards and they played the next hand. To her dismay, it became obvious that Riley was trying to cheat by peeking at Buffy's cards. So it was no surprise when Riley won.

Willow didn't like cheats and decided to do something about it.

"Riley, don't look at Buffy's cards!" she said angrily.

"I wasn't!" he protested, "Buffy, tell Willow I wouldn't cheat!"

"He wouldn't, Willow, " replied Buffy, "He's an old fashioned, honest farmboy!"

Willow rolled her eyes, and dealt another hand.

Once more Riley peeked at Buffy's cards. Willow glared at him hard, and threw down her cards.

"Buffy, Riley is doing it again!" she shouted, "I'm not playing with someone who is trying to cheat!"

Riley once more protested his innocence, and Buffy once more defended him.

"Well if you are going to be like that Will, I don't want to play any more either!" Buffy threw her cards onto the floor and stood up.

"Come on Riley," she said, "We're leaving!" Buffy and Riley walked out of the door, but not before Riley shot a triumphant look at Willow.

Willow kicked the bed in frustration. Once more Riley had prevented Buffy and herself spending time together and this time he made Buffy mad at her.

She walked over to the cage where Amy-Rat was sat cleaning her whiskers.

"I know what you would do in my place, Amy" Willow said, offering a piece of cheese to Amy-Rat, which the rodent took, "You would get revenge!" She took a deep breath, pulled her "Dark Magicks" book off the shelf and gathered a few potion ingredients.

"And that's what I'm going to do!"

Willow walked back over to Buffy's bed. She searched on the floor until she found some of Riley's hair. She knew it was his as it had a hayseed stuck to it. She put it carefully into small plastic bag and set it on the bed.

On the floor, she put a number of candles and lit them. In front of her she set up her little cauldron over an oil lamp and started adding magic ingredients to it. She looked up the spell she wanted in her book and started muttering the incantation.

When she finished the incantation, she dropped Riley's hair into the cauldron. These was a poof of pink smoke and a smell of burnt hay, and the spell was complete. Riley would soon begin to feel the effects of it very soon. Willow cackled to herself, tidied the room up and grabbed her coat. She left the room intent on catching up with Riley and Buffy.

Meanwhile, Graham and Forrest were out on the campus in their combat uniforms, hunting for demons. To their disappointment there didn't seem to be any around as yet, so they sat gossiping about Riley and his new girlfriend.

"She is pretty hot, you have to admit, Forrest!" said Graham.

"She is pretty fine, " admitted Forrest, "But all the more reason to wonder why she is with him! I know he's our commanding officer, but he really is a dope!"

Graham nodded in agreement.

"Do you think there is something wrong with her?" asked Graham, "I mean I know she is this Slayer chick, with superpowers, but maybe there is a trade-off? You know like vampires living forever but not being able to go out in the day? Maybe her weakness is being attracted to really dull losers?"

"Yeah!" replied Forrest, "That would explain a lot! I mean loads of woman are always lusting after us because we are so manly and do cool stuff, and yet she goes for the hayseed!"

Suddenly, the Demon-a-meter5000(TM) started flashing!

"Woh, we've got something!" said Forrest, excitedly, "Let's go kick some demon ass!"

Elsewhere in the park, Riley and Buffy were holding hands and sighing a lot. Riley was sighing because he was so happy that his girlfriend was with him. Buffy was sighing because she was bored and wanted to kick some demon ass. Seeing a nice bench, Buffy decided to sit down and gaze up at the stars. Riley sat next to her, thinking that maybe they would kiss. He put his arm around her and they sat in silence.

All of a sudden she stood up, ready to fight. There was a demon around here, her spider sense was screaming at her.

Riley stared up at her looking confused.

"What's wrong Buffy?" he asked, "Have you sensed a hostile?"

"Yes!" she replied, "And it is very close!" She darted around but didn't see anything.

"It must be invisible!" concluded Buffy and started throwing random punches into the air, hoping it was nearby.

All of a sudden there was a noise in the bushes and Forrest and Graham came rushing through, tasers at the ready.

They gasped as the Demon-o-meter5000(TM) started making loud whirry noises. They were right on top of it... in fact the readings seem to indicate the hostile was... RILEY!!!!!

"Stand up!" ordered Forrest pointing the taser at Riley.

"Wh... wha... what are you doing!" gabbled Riley, feeling very scared. He looked at Buffy. "Please help me!"

Buffy narrowed her eyes at Riley. The truth now dawned on her... Riley was a demon!

"Now that explains a lot!" she said and immediately attacked him.

Riley shrieked and put his hands up trying to fend her off. But Forrest and Graham struck him with their tasers and he fell to the ground unconscious.

"We'll take him from here, Buffy!" said Forrest in an authoritarian tone.

"Thanks guys!" said Buffy, gratefully. "Now I'm going to go home to Willow. By the way would you guys like to go to the Bronze with us Saturday night?"

"Cool!" said Graham, "We love to party down!"

Buffy smiled pleased. She liked Forrest and Graham, they were both manly and did cool stuff unlike Riley who was a demon, and a wussy one at that. She headed back to her dorm room.

Willow glanced up to see Buffy entering the room.

"Where's Riley?" she asked.

"Oh, he turned out to be a demon, so Forrest and Graham help to capture him." Buffy replied.

Willow smiled triumphantly. Her spell had worked!

"I've said to Graham and Forrest that we would go to the Bronze with them on Saturday!"

"Great!" said Willow, "They are manly and do really cool stuff! I'm so over Oz now!"

And they all lived happily ever after. Riley had many experiments performed on him that mutilated him in painful ways until one day he escaped. Sadly he ran into Spike who ripped his head off and drank his blood.

The girls, went out with Graham and Forrest, who turned out to be really manly and did cool stuff, like not dancing like jessies and telling funny jokes that made Buffy and Willow laugh for hours. So Graham dated Willow and supported her witchy stuff and Forrest dated Buffy and was a useful backup to Buffy. He didn't think he was unmanly because she could wipe the floor with him. He was very proud of having a slayer for a girlfriend.


End file.
